


Diary of a Psychopath

by orphan_account



Category: Yume 2kki, Yume Nikki | Dream Diary
Genre: Complete Monster, Diary/Journal, F/M, Gore, Headcanon, Morality Pets, POV First Person, Sadism, Serial Killer
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-22
Updated: 2014-04-06
Packaged: 2017-12-03 05:24:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 13
Words: 15,858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/694635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Before the events of the game, Urotsuki was a sadistic serial killer terrorizing a city. Follow her diary entries as she recounts her past and her horrific deeds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

 

* * *

**_Entry 1_ **

* * *

Ah yes! I finally set up this computer! I thought keeping a diary would be cool, so I decided to start writing one on the computer, with a password lock and everything. So, let me tell how I got this computer. Basically, my bitch of a mother gave me this gift to make me feel better about her pregnancy; my mom and dad already neglects me, and now, with a new kid coming around, they'll outright forget me in favor of my new baby brother or sister. They've been giving me gifts, in hopes of distracting me from the fact that they're ignoring me. It's not working, and it certainly won't protect them when I finally decide to kill them.

Oh yes, I forgot to mention; I'm a serial killer. I suppose I'll start at the beginning. Once upon a time, I was born, which entitled most people around me to a death sentence; I'm a sadistic psychopath, and I revel in the misery and pain of others! When I was a kid, I tortured small animals behind everyone's backs; their lives hardly mattered. To me, their only use was to be an outlet for my sadism. There are exceptions of course; I'm rather fond of bunnies, and I would never harm an aquatic creature. I'll explain the context behind the second item at a later time.

I wanted to see other humans in pain, though. I got some kicks by teasing Seishonen, Tako, and Musume, good friends of mine and some of the few people I actually like in this world (I'll talk about my friends later~); once, I went a bit too far with Tako by flashing lights in his eyes; he has photosensitive epilepsy and after I did that, he was writhing on the floor, his legs and arms moving around like tentacles. I felt some pity, but it was pretty damn hilarious. He forgave me for it; its rather nice to have trusting friends.

But that wasn't enough. I wandered through the city on a rainy day, and I passed through a cemetery with an abandoned old hospital nearby and that's when I found the most glorious thing ever; an old chainsaw was half-buried in the ground, and it still worked! I don't know who would throw out a good chainsaw, but that person is officially on my list of people to spare. I decided to give the chainsaw a test drive by cutting through a homeless man in an alleyway. His life was insignificant, but the city was in an uproar; who would, after all, go out of their way to chop a homeless man in half? The next day, I murdered my next victim; a girl wearing a black dress and a beret. Her twin, who wore blue, mourned her; she would become yet another victim a month later. The girl I murdered attended my school, so the faculty held a funeral for her. At the funeral, I saw her mother; she wore a fine black dress along with a large dark hat, which I suppose is the perfect ensemble for a funeral. When she stepped up to speak, she threatened to hunt down the killer herself and put them in jail for eternity.

That was a rather impressionable event; the following night, I had a nightmare where I was being chased by the woman, who was now masked in shadow and had glowing red eyes. When she caught up to me, I suddenly appeared in a small maze, which I could not get out of. I admit, it was a little scary, but hey, I doubt that it'll happen in real life.

I've continued killing since then; its been 4 months already and I have 13 kills to my name, including the girl's twin and a girl named Surimuki, who attended my school. My most notable murder other than my first ones happened the night I found out my mom was pregnant; I stormed out of the house that night (my mom didn't even notice I was gone, that bitch) and broke into a home, where I cornered a man. That man was screaming, begging for me to spare him, but I didn't listen. I took my chainsaw and PUT IT THROUGH HIS FUCKING STOMACH, AND HIS FACE CONTORTED INTO A BEAUTIFUL, FEARFUL EXPRESSION! HE SCREAMED AND BLED EVERYWHERE, WHICH WAS SO GLORIOUS! I FINALLY DECIDED TO END HIS FUCKING PATHETIC LIFE BY CUTTING INTO HIS HEAD, SPILLING HIS BLOOD ALL OVER HIS FACE! With that done, I beheaded him and stuck his head to the wall, and it was discovered by his family a few hours later. That is so far my best kill; in fact, it actually turned me on. I wish I took pictures so I could pleasure myself to it~.

No one's suspected me yet; the police don't even have a gender down! I'll lay low for a bit, maybe enjoy the stupid gifts my parents gave me. My mom is here at home, doing her own things while my dad is at work; that bastard is always at work. I'll play some video games for the rest of the night, so I'll end my entry here.

* * *

**_To be continued_ **


	2. Entry 2

_Let's give Urotsuki some remotely likable qualities before we catapult her back over the moral event horizon. Hooray for our villain protagonist!_

* * *

**_Entry 2_ **

* * *

I'm not a complete monster. As I said in my first entry, there are some things I like in life.

I love topics about the ocean; think about all the vast realms that still need to be discovered! I enjoy exploration, and the idea of seeing new places, so I latched onto the idea of traveling the sea, which only a small amount of which is currently explored. I keep books and documentaries on aquatic creatures and deep-sea diving, and I sometimes go out to the docks to look out at the sea. I wish I could go diving in the ocean... maybe in my dreams. I also have an interest in exploring space, but it's much more subdued than my love for the ocean, seeing as my chances of exploring space would be unlikely.

Now then, let me tell you about my friends: Gakuran, Kamen, Aoshiru, Seishonen, Tako, Ookami, and Musume. They're all great friends of mine, and some of the few people I value. As you can see, most of my friends are guys; when I'm around people, I act like a tomboy, which is why I associate easily with them. My only female friend is Musume, a girl obsessed with cake. I can't blame her though; cake is the best damn food ever. It should be, like, in its own food group. She has a sister named Shimofuri, who's a nice gal that bakes cakes for her sister; when she doesn't devour the thing, she brings it to school for all of us to share. Musume is a nice girl, but, if you don't share cake with her, you're going to regret it.

I met Gakuran when I was walking around the outskirts of the city during a snowy day. This was before my murdering days, but I still pondered whether I should strangle him and shove him in the snow. I'm glad I didn't strangle him though; he's a pretty swell guy, and I have to admit, he looks pretty adorable. Not quite my type though. He enjoys wearing his school uniform, even on days when we don't have school, and the guy stole an extra uniform for me to have, since I thought the males' school uniform was cooler than ours. Seriously, their uniform looks pretty damn cool.

I became friends with Tako in a biology class; we were assigned together to do a project on ocean life, and damn, does the guy know about the ocean. He's a bit of a fanatic like me, and when he found out I had the same interests, he shared books and videos that I've never even heard of! If I don't get caught, we plan to take a marine biology class together. As I said in my earlier diary entry, he has photosensitive epilepsy, which I exploit for my entertainment. Seeing him freak out at the sign of small lights is priceless. He never holds it against me though; he's a soft boy with no backbone. Definitely the type of guy I like, but I prefer us as friends.

Seishonen is actually my neighbor; I can see the guy in his house right now. The guy really should close his curtains. The guy should also stop losing his cellphone too. He keeps leaving his phone lying around somewhere, so whenever someone calls him, he starts looking around frantically for it. He's not very open about his feelings, but I think he might be into dudes. We once dared each other to crossdress once: he had no objection to dressing up as a girl, plus, he actually thought I was some random guy and started following me around, thinking I was cute. His embarrassment to see that he was following me the whole time was priceless. He was stuttering, trying to think of an excuse before telling me to simply keep what happened a secret. Nowadays, I catch the guy glancing at Gakuran, and I definitely know what's on his mind. Maybe I can tell Gakuran what he feels about him, so he wouldn't have to go through the embarrassment Of course, I might be over-analyzing things and he might actually be straight; if he is, I'll still tell, just to see how they react.

Ookami is a fanatic about wolves; wolves are the most bitching land creature on this planet. I'm not as big into them as fish and squids and junk, but they're still pretty damn cool. He sometimes shows up to school with wolf ears on his head, and he makes wolf howls to scare people. It's a pretty good imitation of a wolf howl; he's trying to teach me how to howl like a wolf as well. Maybe I'll use that as a calling card for my murders; after torturing and murdering something, I'll unleash a howl into the night, frightening those who were awakened by the melodic chainsaw. Then again, this might get Ookami suspected by the police... actually, it might be funny to see him get arrested... then again, the damn cops may start investigating him and everyone connected to him, so that might be a terrible idea.

Aoshiru is a weak, frail boy that Gakuran's friends with. He sometimes shows up in a wheelchair or holding crutches because of some injury he got. Remember when I was talking about how I like soft boys with no backbone? Yeah, that's a perfect description of Aoshiru. Always somewhat quiet... never speaks back to anyone... that occasional soft whimpering he makes from his injuries... he's perfect. If we were married, I would make him the wife, as boys like him are easy to control; that and I think gender roles are the shittiest thing since shit. He'll do everything I tell him to do, he'll submit to me when I cut him for my pleasure, and speaking of pleasure, I would like to just push him in bed and take him. He would object to it all in the beginning, but I could easily break him...

That all sounds very good, but I already have a boyfriend though: Kamen. Kamen is a pretty artistic guy, always drawing and painting pictures. I admire his work, and I wish I could come up with something artistic and beautiful to present to him. Perhaps in different circumstances, I can paint a mural of him with the blood of my slain victims; well, he would have to be insane as me to enjoy that. Before we became a couple, we were friends in art class; he taught me how to paint, and sometimes he invited me to his house for art lessons. I developed a crush on him pretty quick, and it turned out, Kamen was crushing on me too. One day, when all of us were eating together for lunch, he gave me an odd looking mask; it looked like some sort of black cat, with weirdly placed eyes. He urged me to put on the mask, and when I put it up to my face, I saw five words written on the inside: "Will you be my girlfriend?"

Needless to say, I jumped on him, and gave him a nice, big hug. The rest of my friends hooted and urged us to kiss... which we did. It was one of the happiest moments in my life that didn't involve murder. Musume asked her sister to bake a cake for us, which she gave the next day. We're still together; the only problem I have with the relationship is that he's the dominant one. I wish to change that one day. As much as I love him, I hate acting more girly for him.

See, I'm not a monster. I have friends, I have a boyfriend, and I have an interest that's not lethal to everyone around me. Well, I still act like a dick to some of my friends and I may or may not want to molest Aoshiru. Whatever. But there's one problem; these guys don't know about me being a serial killer. I don't know if I can ever tell them; Gakuran is a bit of a delinquent (as evident when he stole that school uniform for me) and Aoshiru could be forced into never telling. I'm not sure about everyone else, but they would probably turn me in. So, for now, I'll just hang around them, acting innocent and secretly laughing with myself whenever they talk about my murderers; I feel such an odd mixture of pride, flattery, and anxiety whenever they do that.

Oh right, this is supposed to be a diary. I have to record what I do everyday instead of rambling on about other things. Right. Um, okay, I went to school, ate lunch with Kamen, aced Mr. Yukata's test (damn it, I forgot to mention him; maybe next time), and I played video games to curb my blood lust. Yeah, it was a pretty boring day. Thank you, fuck you, and good night.


	3. Chapter 3

_To those who already think that Urotsuki is a monster, trust me, she will only get worse from here. Until then, let's see her average day and what happens!_

* * *

**_Entry 3_ **

* * *

Usually, diaries should be used for covering day to day events, not for rambling about your crime sprees and friends, so for once, I'll use it for its intended purpose. I woke up at three in the morning; I was shocked awake by a giant blob monster that chased me, whom reminded me of a chubby police officer I've seen in newspapers denouncing me and wishing to hunt me down. I wasn't scared, simply surprised. I have to prepare for school in an hour though, so I decided to stay up and watch a horror movie. Yes. Horror movies are fucking great; it's like porn for me. Sometimes I decide to watch something 'extra' after seeing a horror movie to get me off. Unfortunately, I did not have time to do that, so I decided to settle on just the movie. Yes Mr. Slasher Movie villain, murder everyone in the most brutal fashion. You're clearly the star of the show. Just take off the mask and let me look at your face I want to kiss it...

Eventually, I ended the movie just before the hero/heroine killed the villain. Stupid bitches, how dare they try to take out the killer? Anyway, I get dressed up for school and started making breakfast for myself, since 'mother dearest' never feeds me. After eating, I started my walk to school; I passed through a city district filled with neon signs and the like. A lot of drug dealing happens in this part of the city, but lately, there have been less and less drug dealers, as even they are frightened of me. Glorious. I caught up with Seishonen, who left earlier and I walked with him to school, where I begin yet another boring day of academics. School is full of shit. Will we be applying 'imaginary numbers' and 'synthetic division' in everyday life? Hell no. The only classes I really find use for is English, Science (and only because I want to get into Marine Biology), and World History (Mr. Yukata teaches this class~); sadly, they've canned Art class last year, which pisses me the hell off. I dic some peer editing work with Aoshiru in English; I wrote a story about a mushroom salesman that turns into a demon, which Aoshiru thought was neat. In Science, I worked on a project with Gakuran and Tako, although, only Tako did the work while Gakuran and I watched (we are the best delinquent buddies).

Unfortunately, I had to suffer through several shitty classes (interrupted by lunch with my friends, of course) before going to World History, since it's my last class. Kamen sits next to me in class, which is pretty awesome. Mr. Yukata doesn't mind if we make out during class; in fact, he sometimes jokingly says that he wouldn't mind if we screwed each other, which leaves us both blushing and embarrassed to the rest of the class. Mr. Yukata is a pretty top notch guy. He's an easy going teacher that loves telling sarcastic and darkly humorous jokes, which, to me, is the best kind of joke. He owns a katana, which he proudly displays at the front of the class; I'm sometimes tempted to steal it to use as an alternate weapon, because katanas are also a pretty cool weapon. Mr. Yukata sometimes wears his namesake to class along with a kitsune mask, clearly not giving a damn about school guidelines. He's one of those people that likes to stick it to the man; he's a pretty good teacher though, so the school administration isn't willing to drop him. If one of the higher ups fired him, trust me,  _they will pay_. He openly encourages my dream of exploring the ocean, and he's even given me maps of the ocean, which I proudly display in my room. He is the best teacher ever. Today, Mr. Yukata wore his yukata and marched around the classroom, katana in hand. He was jokingly telling everyone how he'll cut down the city's serial killer (aka me), rip out their guts, and replace it with stuffing, turning them into a plush doll which he'll put inside a prize grabber machine; even though it was at my expense, I thought it was hilarious. As for the actual school lesson, it was easy to remember, just some shit about the Middle Ages.

After school, I hung out with Kamen. He told me that he's working on this mural for an art competition between students in some schools. He'll be using his afternoons to work on his mural, so we won't be hanging around for awhile, except during school. This irked me; Kamen is mine, and it bothers me that he'll be hanging out with me less to work on a fucking mural. ...No, no, it's fine. I'm just being over possessive, that's all. I should calm down. I pretended that it didn't bother me, smiled, and wished him luck.

When he went back home, I decided to take a walk at the docks. I always walk around the docks to look at the small fishing boats coming and going. There, I meet Commando and Provost-San, two local police officers; that's not really their names, just nicknames, but they think they sound cool. Those two frequently visit the docks, claiming to be on patrol, however, they told me that they just visit to look out at the sea, which I think is rad. They may be cops, but I like them. Besides, they're a bunch of slackers, so they're no threat to me. Commando wishes that he owns a submarine to explore the ocean floor, and he promises to make Provost-san co-captain, and to bring me along as a guest. Today, they were telling me about this ghost story of women rising out of the water and floating around. I wasn't scared of the story though; the things I've done is way more scarier than that. They seemed a bit disappointed that I wasn't impressed. They offered me a ride back home, which I took because walking is for saps.

I went back home; mom only made dinner for herself, so I indulge myself with canned spam (who doesn't like spam?); I did my homework while I was eating (just more useless stuff). With that done, I go into my room and hang a little stocking overlooking my bed. Oh that's right, I forgot to mention that it'll be Christmas soon; two weeks to go, to be exact. Perhaps I should decorate the house, considering that my mom won't be doing that.

Now, to the most important part of the day: plotting my next murder. I plan on taking out Megusuri Uri, a local optometrist. He lives out on the outskirts of the city, where it's a fifteen minute drive to reach him; it's like he's begging to be killed and not have his body be discovered for days. He has a young daughter named Hakoko, who never leaves the place except for school. What do I do with her? Make her watch her daddy die? Kill her too? I dunno. I'm still planning. I think they have an alarm, so I'll be careful of that...

Anyway, today was an average day. Of course, dear Kamen will be spending less time with me for a bit, but I shouldn't lose my head over this. Just let him do what he wants. Then, I'll strangle him. I won't kill him. I'll just teaching him a lesson, that's all. He really should know his place. Hahaha...

* * *

**To be continued...**

 


	4. Entry 4

**Entry 4**

* * *

It's been five days since my last entry. Kamen is still busy with that mural. I'm proud of him, but... I'm getting worried. What if the whole mural thing is a lie? Maybe he just wants an excuse to get away from me. Or maybe... could he be cheating on me? Argh, both options are completely unacceptable! No... I am getting ahead of myself. I'm just over-analyzing this. Still, Kamen would pay dearly if either were the case... I won't kill him, I'll just kidnap him; a little torture always does someone good. If the latter event happened though, I'll just slowly kill the bitch in front of Kamen. Maybe fuck him in her pool of blood. Yes. That sounds nice. ...No, no need to plan any of that. Yet.

Last night, I had this weird dream where I saw myself in my room. However, I looked like a palette swap (yes, that's the word) of myself; I looked pretty gothic and sweet as hell. Despite the lack of furniture and decorations, I could tell that it was my room because of the stocking that was hung over the bed, which was pretty much the only notable thing in the room. My copy's eyes were closed, but I can tell that she sensed my presence. However, we really didn't do anything to each other; we just stood looking at each other until the dream ended. Weird, but interesting. Maybe the next time I meet myself, we could have a talk. Plot out some murders. Kill dream denizens... oh, I should talk about them.

My dreams are populated by these non-speaking NPC type characters, most of them looking deformed or weird; I truly must be messed up to dream them up that way. Almost all of them aren't very interesting though, so I usually end up killing them; I sometimes find my chainsaw embedded in the ground when the dream starts, and using it on these things is good practice, even though it's a dream. The only NPCs I don't kill, however, are the ones based on my friends. In one dream, I was in this monochrome landscape that looked a bit like feudal japan (I should stop playing Dynasty Warriors). Everything was black and white, as far as the eye could fucking see, but surprisingly, I saw this splash of color in the distance. I ran myself over to there and behold, I found Gakuran; he had a blue skin color in my dream, had purple hair, and, of course, he was wearing that school uniform. Then, he gave me an extra uniform, which was awesome! Once, I saw this dancing cyclops girl in a dream that was filled with streetlamps; she's based off of this amusing half-blind girl from my school that dances around all the time. I didn't kill the girl; besides, she's entertaining, and if I'm entertained, then I'm happy. And if I'm happy, that means I won't be chainsawing people into giblets while laughing like a complete lunatic.

Also, recently, I've found my dreams to be reoccurring; I sometimes find myself in a different area of a place I've already appeared in. Once, I interacted with some object and it brought me back to a place that I dreamed about days before. I looked this up on the internet; according to some articles, a lot of hikikomoris have dreams like this. Pfft. I'm no hikikomori Sure, I'm sociopathic and I have no problem with torturing my friends if they cross me, but I'm very active in society. I even do volunteer work at the local insane asylum. Okay, maybe I'm just doing it since it looks good on college applications, but the folk over there are fun. There's this guy (let's call him Smile-San) that goes into a laughing fit whenever he hears someone talk. Oh boy, the laughter he goes into when he hears a phone ring is absolutely insane. Smile-san's apparently pretty nuts; the staff keeps him tied up and bound to his bed. I remember that there used to be a guy in this vegetative state that occupied a room near the Smile-sans; I helped change his clothes sometimes. When I visited the asylum last week, there was just an empty room where he used to be. Maybe he died. What a pity.

Not much has been going on in the past few days, other than the announcement of the carnival arriving in my city; I am so psyched for this! I love the fucking carnival! ...Shut up. Don't treat me like a kid. ...Holy shit, I just acted as if my diary was judging me and my interests. Goddamn it me, get a hold of yourself. Anyway, the carnival is coming tomorrow. If possible, I would like it if Kamen came to the carnival with me. It's unlikely, but it would be nice...


	5. Entry 5

**ENTRY 5**

* * *

It was carnival day. As I expected, Kamen didn't have the time to come. Ugh, it just pisses me off! Still, I won't let that get in the way of my good time. There was an absurdly long line to the carnival, but there were clowns around playing music, so that's good. I managed to entertain myself by talking to Megane, who was coincidentally in the line with me.

Megane is some nerdy student from my school that lives in an apartment. I'm not really friends with him, but conversations with him are always interesting. Megane is a complete crackpot, but the fancier term is 'conspiracy theorist'. He's always going on about aliens this and aliens that... he claims that UFOs occasionally come to Earth to abduct humans as prizes; what a funny guy. I'm not really interested in him; he's pretty nuts, even for me. When I talked to Megane, he was more jumpier than usual. He said that the clowns of the carnival has a cult dedicated to this multi-eyed goddess; he claimed that the clowns kidnapped people and kept them in cages. In some occasions, the clowns stuffed people into lockers and killed them as sacrifice. Lastly, he said that the children shown on the posters for the carnival are real children that were squished onto it.

I thought it was an interesting and hilarious theory; he wasn't very amused when I said that it was hilarious. For fun, I asked him what he thought about the killer (aka me). Megane shook his head, as even he hasn't formed an idea about the killer. However, he can definitely tell that the killer is strong enough to carry a chainsaw, and that they probably get off of their murders; both are very much true, and I'm flattered that he called me strong. He told me that if I was interested, he would keep me updated on his theories on the murderer. I agreed, since it'd be interesting to see what he'd come up with. He might come to the conclusion that I'm the killer, but I'm not particularly worried. He's a frail boy; I could strangle him to death, if I wished.

Eventually, we got to the front of the line and we went on our separate ways; Megane joined up with the half-blind dancing girl I mentioned in the last entry and they went off to play this game that gave stuffed bunnies as prizes. I then did all the usual shit that people did at carnivals: riding rides, eating deep fried food, playing obviously rigged (but fun) games, you know, the usual. I even met this cool clown that nicknamed himself 'Bane Jack'. He walked around in these funny shoes with springs in them, and he was kind enough to let me try them on; walking in it felt like I had pogo sticks tied to my feet. Funtimes. But something was missing: someone to share all this fun with. I desperately wanted Kamen to be there with me, or any of my friends really. As I thought about this throughout the day, my desperation slowly turned into anger... and then into bloodlust. I really want to kill somebody. So badly.

My desperation for blood was so strong, that I hid inside one of the clown tents; I turned off the lights and waited in wait for someone to strangle. I didn't care how risky it was, because damn it, I want to murder a dude. That plan failed almost immediately, because a clown came into a tent immediately after I turned off the lights. Luckily, he wasn't the suspicious type; he just politely told me to leave, while giggling in-character. I decided to leave the carnival after that, since even I admit that killing someone in a place filled with people was completely stupid and reckless. I looked up at the night sky (yes, I was screwing around in a carnival for quite a long time), thinking about murder and all that shit. Then, I came up with an idea; how about I pay dear Kamen a visit? He needs to be punished for neglecting me. I won't kill him; I'll just threaten him a little, and maybe break a finger or two so he won't get to paint. Yes, that's a good plan.

So that's why I'm back home, typing this entry out before I pick up my chainsaw and visit Kamen. I hope I won't be forced to use it on him. Maybe I could kidnap him and stash him somewhere... oh well, who knows? I'll type out what happens after I come home


	6. Entry 6

**_Entry 6_ **

* * *

It's... been awhile since I wrote my last entry... I think it's been a week. Maybe more. Now, back to where I left off...

I sneaked off to Kamen's house, chainsaw in tow. His parents' car was gone and I saw a light coming out of one of the windows; I was sure he was alone. I stormed into his house, forgoing all subtlety. I entered his room: the walls were a pristine white, with various artistic or minimalistic furniture lying around. I didn't pay too much attention to that, though. I only cared about dear Kamen and that retarded painting of his.

At first he was curious; upon seeing my chainsaw, he was terrified. I started yelling at him. I told him that I was awfully lonely without him, and that he should ignore that painting of his. If he didn't come back to me, I'd beat him up, kidnap him, even rape him; anything to get him into paying attention to me and only me. Kamen ignored my rant, keeping his eyes on my chainsaw. Then, a flicker of recognition came on his face.

"You're the killer."

My blood ran cold. I feigned ignorance, which was rather silly, considering that I was threatening him. He said that the police reported that my victims were cut up into pieces; my chainsaw was indeed a cutting weapon. I yelled at him some more, futilely denying this.

Simply threatening him was no longer an option. He knew the truth about me. If I left him alone, he would definitely tell the police. I had to kidnap him. I had to whisk him away under my watchful eyes. How I would do that, I didn't know. I had nothing but a chainsaw, and I wasn't really experienced in hand-to-hand fighting, so I couldn't knock him out. Even then, I'd have to drag Kamen out in the middle of the night, which had many risks. Even if I somehow accomplished this, where could I take him? I had no plan in place for this. There were no options for me...

...except for one. For once, I wouldn't enjoy this option.

I stepped toward him as I started up the chainsaw; fear took over his face as dread took mines. Kamen was like a deer in the headlights, too shocked to move. "Goodbye Kamen." I whispered lifting the chainsaw. His death was quick: I aimed for the neck, so that he would be immediately beheaded. His body slumped onto the floor, his head landing near it. Blood stained his walls, and it ruined his painting. I took a good look at Kamen's last work, and even though I hated it, I felt bad for splattering blood on it.

I stood for a minute staring at Kamen's body and comprehending what I've done. Usually, I feel ecstatic when I kill someone; instead, I felt an emptiness inside of me. I apologized to the body of my boyfriend. I wanted to kiss it, to give Kamen a nice send off to the afterlife. But that would leave evidence.

I did one more thing before leaving; I took a mask from Kamen's room. The mask he gave to admit his love to me, specifically. Wordlessly, I left his house, one hand dragged the chainsaw, the other clutched the mask. Kamen's mask is currently hidden beneath my bed; I spent about 10 minutes yesterday looking at it.

Kamen's parents discovered his corpse a few hours later. His death was announced in a school assembly the next day, and I mourned him with my friends; heh, perhaps I'm not as sociopathic as I thought. I didn't have to put up a fake face for everyone - my tears were very much real.

Kamen's painting didn't win the art competition; the police confiscated it because it was evidence (assholes; then again, this was my fault). However, the winner, some chick named Oreko who went to a different school, honored him.

A few days later was the funeral. After that, we went to Musume's house to have some cake to cheer ourselves up: the cake tasted rather bitter. Aoshiru comforted me, and reminded me that we all missed him. What a sweet boy. I wonder if he has a girlfriend. She'd be lucky.

For the following nights, I wandered my dreamscape aimlessly. I took out my frustration on the surreal people in my head. I met my other self the other day; she opened her eyes, and I saw red irises filled with bitter disappointment.

And so here we are. In the midst of all this, I forgot about this journal, so I thought now was the time to write this all down. As usual, the police don't suspect anything; they saw me as a victim, more than anything. One day when I was looking out at the sea, the Commando and Provost-san visited me. They heard about what happened and brought me out to dinner. Ordinary parents would have a problem with people they don't know bringing their child to buy food somewhere, but of course, my mom is a bitch. In fact, she didn't know what happened, and didn't notice that I was depressed. I'm going to kill her one day. Maybe after the baby is born; I think I'd name him "Kamen". I've also talked to Megane, and even he didn't suspect me. Amusingly though, he suspected that Ookami did this; he claimed that Ookami is a werewolf and that he mauled Kamen because he slighted him. Ha. Very funny. Didn't quite cheer me up though. I think I should go out to murder someone tomorrow to cheer myself up; I still haven't paid that eye doctor a visit yet. Ha ha ha...

Before I close this out, Kamen, if you can see me from wherever, I'm sorry that I had to kill you. But don't worry. I'll send some people up there to visit you. You can all become the best of friends. I think you'd be good friends with Megusuri's daughter, hee hee...


	7. Entry 7

**_Entry 7_ **

* * *

I have to admit: I've become more vicious since I've murdered Kamen three weeks ago. It's as if his death removed a part of whatever humanity I had in me. Remember how I mentioned that I would kill Megusuri and his daughter? Oh, I did just that, and more.

I walked to the city outskirts myself; I avoided taking the roads, since dragging a chainsaw around would be suspicious (yeah obviously). As soon as I got to Megusuri's place, I snuck in through the back. For an eye doctor, the guy sure is inattentive. He failed to notice me going into his office. He didn't notice me until I started up the chainsaw. I saw his daughter in the room as well; she hid over in the corner and cowered in a box. I grinned. Two easy victims to keep Kamen company. I was about to saw Megusuri's head off and head for his daughter, but I thought that was a little...  _boring_.

First, I skewered Megusuri below his torso. He coughed up blood as he fell over, his blood and innards spilling out. After I confirmed that he was alive, the fun began. I positioned my chainsaw right over him and lowered it gently. It cut his skin up pretty good, as well as anything that happened to spilled out of him. HeeheeheHAHAHAHAHA! I REALLY GOT A KICK OUT OF IT! SEE, I'M USING CAPS LOCK, THAT'S HOW GREAT IT WAS! OH, IF ONLY I RECORDED HIS SCREAMS AND HIS DAUGHTER CONSTANTLY BEGGING AND CRYING! HEE HEE! SO MUCH SCREAMING! THANK GOD HE LIVED ON THE OUTSKIRTS, OR SOMEONE WOULD HAVE COME ACROSS AND RUINED MY FUNTIME~. Haha, unfortunately, not all good things last. His screams died down as he took his last breath. I took out my phone and started snapping pictures. Good masturbatory material. Then, I remembered that there was one more person in the room. I turned the small flashlight on my phone on and waltzed over. I held it above Megusuri's daughter, so I could get a good look at her face: she was completely broken, crying and smiling at the same time, with a deranged look in er eyes. I liked that look. I drove the chainsaw through the box and struck her. I did not choose to outright kill her; instead, I decided to let her bleed to death. She didn't do anything about it either. She was much too broken to run away. I dipped my fingers into the blood pooling into the box and started drawing demented pictures, to see the girl off as she died and to impress Kamen. She looked up at the wall I was bloodying up; I fingerpainted a grotesque monster with multiple limbs and eyes to stare down at her. She just gave it a wide-eyed stare as she bled out.

All in all, it was a good time for me; until I forgot to leave the way I came and went through the front door. The alarm went off and the police got notified. Stupid police. Stupid modern alarm systems. I avoided the roads with extra care that time. I stashed my chainsaw out in the abandoned hospital, which was, as I remember, near where I originally found it. There was too much blood on it, so I had to wash it in the morning. I went home (neither of my parents were there, big surprise) and pleasured myself with the pictures I took. After I finished with my business, I uploaded the pictures to my computer then transferred them to a USB drive. Perfect. I got some nice material to pleasure myself to, I sated my bloodlust yet again, and I gave Kamen two new friends; better yet, Megusuri could become his father and his daughter would be his little sister. Kamen's parents moved out of the city after the funeral, so I can't send them up there to live with him. He'll surely love the new family members, heh heh.

I started to treat my friends more viciously, too: I harassed Seishonen more often (sometimes violently), I made Tako go into seizures more frequently, I bit Ookami once out of irony when his howling bothered me, and I stole Musume's cake whenever she brought some (note to self: she tackles pretty hard). Gakuran, thankfully, saw everyone else as a bunch of pussies and took up my side whenever my other friends couldn't take my shit. Bless him. As for Aoshiru... more on him later...

Despite the increased cruelty I showed to my friends, I found myself more attached to them. They were my only friends after all; they were also perhaps my lines to humanity and morals and all that happy-dopey shit. I followed one of my friends home everyday and sometimes I enjoyed a normal, almost humane conversation with them. Occasionally though, I just watched them from the distance and I observed what they did; is it stalking if we're friends? No. No it isn't. Can't be. I learned some interesting things about my friends: Seishonen and Aoshiru always went home after school unless they had something to do, Musume and Tako wandered the city, Gakuran enjoyed looking at ponds and trees, and surprisingly, Ookami liked hanging around the beach. All very interesting. Of course, I only watched them to make sure they were safe. If I were to lose another friend, I would surely go all-out batshit.

Now, let me talk about Aoshiru. He's such a sweet boy. He's been treating me nicely ever since Kamen died; he's sometimes as forgiving as Gakuran whenever my shit went too far. In return for his kindness, I observed him more than the others. One thing I noticed about Aoshiru was that he was lonely; like me, his parents were rarely home, and his only companionship was with the others and I. Poor boy. He's very much deserving of attention. He needs someone to always be with him... like a girlfriend. Yes. Someone supportive and loving.

Like me.

I've pondered about pursuing a relationship with him. On one hand, dating Aoshiru would have been too soon after Kamen's death. On the other hand, Kamen was his friend, and I'm sure he would like Aoshiru to find happiness in his sad, somewhat pathetic life. Besides, what other girl would be interested in him? Yes... only I, one of his best friends for years, could give him the attention he deserves.

Unfortunately, I'm not really a master at making the first move. In fact, that was a downright understatement. A few days ago Aoshiru and I were working on a project in English, and he got a papercut. I offered to help him, of course, in my own, gloriously psychotic way. I stared at his bloodied finger, transfixed: the trickle of blood running down his pale skin was a nice sight. So nice that instead of getting a band-aid for him, I just licked the blood off of his finger and gave it a small kiss. Delicious. Aoshiru, of course, freaked out, as did the rest of the class. Aoshiru forgave me for this incident, but not the other children. Their eyes stared at me as I walked through the halls, claiming that I was blood thirsty (oh how right they were). As ironically humorous as it was, it pissed me off to no end. So, I chose one random boy out of the students who mocked me, followed him home one night, and strangled him. Then, I took a pen and paper and drew another grotesque creature on it. I named it 'Strangler Eyes'. Aoshiru was a bit more frightful of me after this, despite his forgiveness, but I got to murder a dude; since I didn't kill him with my chainsaw, the police found it as a separate incident, so bonus points for me.

The demented drawings I made at the Megusuri and 'Strangler Eyes' incidents inspired me to draw some more. One of the ones I did that I was particularly proud of was a drawing of a girl named Shimafori (whose head I cut open) which had the caption, "I got scrapped," on it. I hid the drawings inside books at the local library. No one's discovered them yet, but I'm sure that the police would be in an uproar when they get found.

Meanwhile, I've been thinking more about Aoshiru. As I said, he's been scared of me ever since the blood incident, which ticked me off. What an ungrateful boy. Who else would help him get rid of a papercut in such a lovely way? Who else would love him for how pathetic and weak he is? Nobody but me. Ungrateful, ungrateful. He'll be punished... no... punishment will only drive him away...

...I'll make him like me...

I'll teach him to be grateful. Yes... I'll be his lover, his protector. Surely, Kamen would be proud of me for doing this. Well, assuming that I didn't kill him. Yes. Kamen must be angry at me. For killing him. Yes. I should be moving on. To Aoshiru. His new family members will fill in the void I made when I showed my true colors to him. Yes. Aoshiru will take his place.

Hahahaha...


	8. Entry 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Rape

**_Entry 8_ **

* * *

Yesterday was wonderful~.

For the next five days after the last entry, I was planning how to get Aoshiru to love me. Originally, I thought that flirting was the best way to go, but obviously, I'm rather terrible at it. While I was planning this out, I realized that there was another factor in this: what if Aoshiru found out the truth? He was the type of boy that could be controlled... But... I don't want to risk it. If I dare leave him alone for a minute, he could blurt out my secret to everybody. I can't let that happen. If he were to "disappear", the police would surely investigate me. They would find out the connection I had with Kamen; it would be suspicious that two boys that had a relationship with the same girl would have something happen to them.

But what if no one knew I had a relationship with Aoshiru? "Yes..." I thought. I'd kidnap him first and tell him everything. He'll already be in a position where he would be unable to tell anyone anything. To cover up his disappearance, I'd make sure that a few other people would "disappear" around the same time. I'd bury them in the graveyard next to the abandoned hospital... then the idea struck me; I'll kidnap Aoshiru and hide him out in the hospital.

For the first four nights, I wandered the city at night. I scoured it for potential victims; young, old, it didn't matter who I killed. By picking victims at random, the police would think that Aoshiru was just another unfortunate disappearance. When I saw a fresh picking that wandered around alone, I'd stalk them before I strangled them. Sadly, I couldn't use my chainsaw. It'd leave behind blood, and the police might have connected the disappearances with my case. After I killed a victim, I'd drag the body to the old cemetery and bury it. No one would see me, because who else would be at a graveyard at night?

Before I kidnapped Aoshiru, I investigated the hospital. Miraculously, I found some drugs in a cabinet, one of which rendered people unconscious if smelt. I took a bottle of it, so I could use it later. I've investigated the hospital rooms, some of which still having beds. I found a room that could be locked from the outside. It took me half an hour to find a key, as well as drag a bed into the room. Aoshiru must be comfortable. After all, he was going to be here for as long as I desired~.

Then came yesterday. Oh, how I had waited. I read the newspaper while I ate a breakfast I prepared for myself; the disappearances were front on the cover, and it didn't seem that anyone connected it to my killings, which is great. Before I headed for school, I got a rag, as well as the liquid drug I found, and hid it in my backpack. Time for suffering. I trudged through several hours of school, anticipating the moment it let out. As soon as the bell rang, I followed Aoshiru out and joined with him. I started a conversation with him about mundane things, like our classes and what we're having for lunch. He was too distracted with our talk that he didn't notice that I led him away from his house. I walked us over to the hospital through the graveyard, talking about the recent disappearances while we stomped on their unmarked graves. Then, when I was sure we were alone, I told him that I was going to show him something; I bended down to look into my backpack and poured some of the drug on the rag. Just as Aoshiru realized where we were, I presented my surprise to him; I quickly stuffed the rag in his face and he slumped over, having been felled by it. I giggled darkly to myself as I carried him into the abandoned building.

I brought him to the room I refurbished and laid him on the bed. Aw, he looked so peaceful like that. Then, I remembered that I forgot something important: food. If I was going to keep him in here, he would need food. I left the place and went to a local convenience store and bought a lot of dried food and snacks he could eat. When I returned, Aoshiru was already coming to.

He was confused by the whole situation, and politely asked me what was going on. I told him straight up that it was a kidnapping. Then, I told him everything. I told him that I'm the mass murderer terrorizing the city, of my love for him, and that he'd be staying there, whether he wanted to or not. As I discussed this, the look on Aoshiru's face got more and more terrified looking... and I loved it.

He tried to make a bolt for it; even if he wasn't still woozy on the drug, I would have caught him easily anyway. I held his arms behind his back with one hand while I caressed his face with the other. I quietly asked him if he loved me. Then, with an unexpected scream, he yelled no. He called me a complete monster in a loud voice, which was uncharacteristic of him. He didn't want to be lovers, nor did he want to be my friend anymore. Tears came out of his eyes while he said this. I responded with a giggle and licked the tears off his face. Nice and salty. He squirmed in my arms, as he repeatedly screamed his hate of me.

Which is a shame. I love him. I needed to get him to love me, so I thought the best way to do that was show the extent of my love.

I forced him to the bed and pinned him down. He screamed while I stripped him down. To get him to calm down, I slapped him in the face; oh, the whimper he made turned me on. I started to show my love to him, gripping his arms and digging my fingernails into his skin as I bounced on him. I've had sex with Kamen before, but I never got to be the dominant one, and being dominant felt good. Whenever Aoshiru tried to push me off of him, I scratched his arms, drawing blood on his pretty skin. Aoshiru was so adorable when I raped him: the terrified look on his face, the tears in his eyes, and the way he screamed and cried only egged me on to continue. I don't mind calling it rape. I've already committed so many atrocities that rape didn't matter to me. I greatly enjoyed this, but Aoshiru didn't, having only found his release due to impulse. Oh, I'll break him soon. He'll love me, and he'll learn to enjoy this.

Soon, we both found our glorious releases. I licked the blood that I drew from Aoshiru and forced a kiss onto his lips, making him taste his own blood. He only shuddered, having nothing more to say to me. We both fell asleep, exhausted from this activity. As we slumbered, I had a delightful dream: I was in a room, alone with Aoshiru, my chainsaw in my hands. I took delight in cutting him up with my chainsaw, which was something I wouldn't do in real life. I took my time killing the imaginary Aoshiru, as I wanted to hear his sweet cries and screams as much as possible~.

I woke up late at night, to see that Aoshiru escaped my grasp and I heard him running down the halls. It wasn't so hard to chase him down and tackle him. I glared at him, as I found that he was rather unappreciative of me. I set him up with a home away from his parents, some food, oh, and I got him laid. The fucker. I decided to teach him a lesson. I punched and scratched him, injuring him until I was satisfied. He didn't say anything to me. He only whimpered, like a dog. Amusing. I brought him back to his room and got a first-aid kit (goddamn, how much supplies did the old hospital staff leave behind?). I bandaged his forehead, which was greatly bleeding, and put salve on his bruises. I put him in his bed and I asked him if he had anything to say to me before I left; he refused to talk to me. What a shame. I kissed him again (while grabbing his arms to prevent him from hitting me) and said good-bye as I locked the door to his room. I went home and gone to bed, still thinking about the fun time I had.

Today, it was reported that Aoshiru was missing. At first, everyone assumed that he was at home, sick, but a quick phone call to his parents revealed that wasn't the case. I pretended to worry with my friends, hoping that Aoshiru would be okay. I didn't visit Aoshiru today, and I trust that he wouldn't starve himself. Instead, I spent the night looking for some other random graveyard-stuffer to kill to keep up the whole disappearance act. I looked at the hospital and smiled to myself while I buried my kill.

At the moment, Aoshiru isn't quite... used to me. I'll fix the problem soon. He'll be grateful of me. I just need to break his spirit a bit more. Then, I'll pick up the pieces and rebuild him. I'll be his lover and protector. He'll be safe in that room of his. He doesn't need anybody else but me...

Note to self: bring phone the next time I visit Aoshiru. I regret not taking pictures of our first time. :)


	9. Entry 9

**_Entry 9_ **

* * *

Once again, I'm behind on diary entries. Would this still be considered a diary if I don't fill it daily? Oh whatever. It's been like, 8 or 9 days since I've kidnapped Aoshiru, and things have been a bit more interesting.

First, let me talk about Aoshiru. After the kidnapping, I've killed and hid the bodies of three more people; Aoshiru's disappearance is just buried among the others. I visited Aoshiru after I killed my last victim. I got into his bed and whispered into his ear, describing the people I killed, and how satisfying it was to hear their necks crack. Crick-crack. The boy just trembled as I started running my hands over him. He begged with me to release him, promising not to tell anybody. Of course, I didn't accept. As a punishment for asking such a stupid question, I took a surgical knife and carved my name into his skin. Perfect. He'll always have a reminder of me on him, now~. After that, I started to molest him again. Aoshiru struggled much less than last time, as he knew well that I'd beat him up if he dared to resist me - it felt wonderful, to have him wrapped around my finger, completely under my power. His submission isn't a sign of love, though. He doesn't quite love me yet, he merely fears me. He'll love it all soon. I made sure to bring my phone this time, and I took some quality pictures of him. After I had my way with him, I finally decided to change him out of his school clothes - I found some hospital garb for him. Personally, I think it looks cute on him. I took a few more pictures of him in it before leaving.

I've been periodically checking on him, making sure that he hasn't run out of food. Whenever I visit, he just stares at me, unsure of what to do. When I go near him, he goes into a panic, and when I lay even just a finger on him, he cries. I can't wait for his fear and panic to turn into complete adoration. I've read an article on Stockholm syndrome, and I'm sure that it'll affect Aoshiru soon - slowly breaking his mind will surely help with this. I'm not quite sure what to do after I've broken him and made him mine. Maybe we'll have a small marriage ceremony. That would be nice.

The second interesting thing to mention is the bar I found. After I killed my second to last graveyard filler, I walking home when bam, I saw a man entering a suspicious little door. I found myself going in after him and I discovered an underground bar of a sort. The man was slumped over the bar counter, sipping his troubles away while the bartender greeted me. Obviously, I'm underaged and can't drink. However, the bartender didn't mind - as long as he has a potential customer, it didn't matter who the customer was. This was the first time I had an alcoholic drink, and man, was it fucking awesome. The hangover hurt like a bitch, but the experience was still great. Just having one drink was enough to get me tipsy.

One drink was also enough to have a guilt-tripping dream.

After I had gone home that night and went to bed, I experienced a dream that was unusual, even compared to my past dreams. I was trapped in a look-alike of the bar; however, the bartender had turned into a ghost, and the assortment of drinks looked disgusting, to say the least. I took the only actual alcoholic drinks on the menu, as I had already gotten hooked on drinking, plus, this is a dream, so it's not deadly. Well, deadly not in the physical sense anyway. As I drank more and more, the room started to go wavy like an ocean and it even started to flash colors. That's when the ghosts started appearing. Spirits of people that I've killed appeared in the room, chastising me for what I've done to them. I wasn't really fazed at first, and I even thought it was even neat. But then, I saw him: Kamen. Kamen's ghost was in front of me. I could not see his face, because it was covered up by the mask I took from him. He yelled at me along with the other ghosts, his words the only thing that affected me. When I woke up from this nightmare, I immediately took Kamen's mask out from under the bed and hugged it. After all of the psychopathic feelings and emotions I've had for the past weeks, it felt weird to find myself crying, like an ordinary human being...

Anyway, I'm alright now. I've visited the bar one more time since then, but luckily, I didn't have a dream like that again. Instead, I found myself into a nice, pristine-Japanese town. Admittedly, it was fun to navigate around it. Well, until I found the bar deep underground. I skedaddled before I was tempted to drink.

Well, dreams are cool and all, but I've got things to be planning. My chainsaw is getting a little rusty. I need a nice, bloody, torture-filled kill. I desire screams of pain and misery~. Oh, then I could exercise my pent-up frustrations on Aoshiru afterward... my collection of pictures of him has been growing nicely...


	10. Entry 10

**_ntry 10_ **

* * *

Once again, I've neglected to update this diary again. For two fucking weeks. Well, you know how it is: crappy homework, murdering people, looking at the sea, playing video games, raping and beating Aoshiru until he's a hollow shell, drinking, watching some anime - the usual.

However, three big bits of news have happened recently - one good, one bad, and one I feel indifferent toward but is important nevertheless. Of course, to make me feel better, let's go with the good news first.

The good news is, I've finally broken Aoshiru. When I visited him eight days ago, I saw that he had essentially become a shadow of his former self. He wasn't angry, nor was he frightened. Instead, he was excited to see me. He had that glazed over look in his eyes and he spoke quietly, even when he was excited - I thought it was cute. Stockholm syndrome, torture, and isolation from everybody but me truly does wonders~. I gave him some chocolate pudding as a gift and he ate it up gratefully. After he licked the last of it out, I decided to experiment how far his brainwashing went; I got out that surgical knife I had and shoved him against the wall. I made a small, careful, but torturous cut across his forehead. He didn't scream or struggle. Instead, he squeaked with pleasure - it looks like I've turned him into a little masochist. Oh, how that squeak made me blush. I pushed him into bed without a fight and I took him again. Aoshiru authentically enjoyed it, even when I was digging my fingernails into him and making him bleed.

After we finished, we cuddled in bed. I stroked his hair, like he was a pet that he was recently trained. I whispered to him, telling him of my exploits; he showed no reaction to my talks of murder and torture, he's just so desensitized to it all. He really did love it when I touched him though. He squirmed like a kitten. What a cutie. I'll miss when he used to struggle and scream (it made it so much fun!), but as long as he's my little bitch, I don't care~.

Now then, let's have some boring news.

It happened two days after the last entry. It was a normal day in school at first, but when I was hanging out with my friends during lunch, Gakuran was in a panic. He told us that his brother, Heishi, got in an accident that morning. He was sent to the hospital, with multiple limbs broken. We (well, I faked it, since I don't personally know Heishi) expressed concern for his brother; he told us that he'll keep us updated. If I remember correctly, those quack doctors are releasing him in a few days. I'm not personally interested in this, but it's important to Gakuran, and I found my friends to be my precious possessions. I might as well indulge him in his fears and worries.

...

Welp, I've held off typing the bad news for this long. Come on me, write it down, despite how disappointed you are in yourself.

Alright, four days ago, I was just having an average, boring day at school. Right before the final bell rung, Mr. Yukata told me to stay after class; usually, he said this so he could have an excuse to talk to me, so I found nothing wrong with it. I leaned in my desk as my wretched classmates left, tapping my fingers on Kamen's old desk. When the place was cleared out, Mr. Yukata started to talk about my essays; he loved the interest and dedication I've put in them, which made me smile.

Then, he talked about the glee and admiration I showed in essays on brutal conquerors, wars, and massacres. "Think nothing of it," he said, "you have the makings of a horror novel writer." However, instead of feeling flattered, I felt a bit.. troubled.

I had a good reason to.

He then started talking about gossip he's heard on the serial killer running around the place. He then switched the topic to the disappearances that I orchestrated. I stayed in my seat, unsure of where this was all going. I nervously scratched Kamen's desk as he talked.

Then, he expressed sympathy for the boy I killed after the bloody finger interest, aka, Strangler Eyes, then said, "Did you really have to strangle that boy?"

I froze in my seat.

He looked at me impassively as he walked to the classroom door. However, he wasn't leaving. Instead, he stopped in front of a closet near the door.

He pulled his katana out from it and stood in front of me.

I was actually worried.

After I killed the boy, he became suspicious of me, because of the personality I've shown in my writing and the fact that the boy was making fun of me up until his death. He watched me leave school everyday from then on; he saw me leave with Aoshiru the night he disappeared. Mr. Yukata would have thought nothing of it... however, considering that two people that I was close to ended up having something happen to them, it was definitely not a coincidence. The fact that Kamen had been ignoring me to work on his art project before his murder was not lost on him.

He calmly expressed the disappointment and shock he felt when he came to his conclusion, all while keeping a tight grip on his katana. He made a little laugh at the expense of the police force; he called them a bunch of incompetent nancies, and even though this was serious, I couldn't help but grin at that comment. Mr. Yukata stepped back a little then pointed the katana at my face. He told me that if he wanted to, he could strike me down right there; he also mentioned that he would call the police and reveal what a monster I truly am.

Of course, I'm still here, so Mr. Yukata hadn't done either of that. Instead, he put his sword in his sheath and turned away from me. He said that he liked me too much to have me sent away. He took a few steps away when he suddenly swung his blade at me, missing me by a few inches on purpose. A dry laugh came from him and he walked back to the closet to put the sword away. He then turned back to me and threatened that if I dare harmed another student or somebody connected to him, he would personally hunt and chop me down.

He then told me I could leave and left the room whistling.

That brilliant bastard.

That night, I went to the bar again and drank to my heart's content, not caring about the bad dreams I'll end up having. I was pissed at myself - I was far too careless. After I stumbled home, I just let the nightmares wrap their arms around and take me.

So yeah.

My favorite teacher and one of the few people I don't hate knows what I am and probably hates me. If anyone else follows the same trail Mr. Yukata did, they'll find me, and they probably won't be just as forgiving. They're going to take me away and lock me up forever. That is unless they execute me.

Ha.

Fucking ha.

I'm such a fool.

I've been trying to lay low for awhile, stomach school (Mr. Yukata is acting like he did before our little meeting), and limit my visits to Aoshiru (at least it'll make him more desperate for me~). However, I can't fight the urge any longer. I want to make somebody to bleed. I want somebody to crawl on the floor, futilely begging for me to spare them. I want to hear the screams. I want to extinguish another life.

But.

I can't risk it. What if I screw up again...

Urgh.

Fuck. I'm going to sleep. Maybe I'll play some violent video games tomorrow to get rid of this problem. Maybe that new Metal Gear game.


	11. Entry 11

**_Entry 11_ **

* * *

Kill. I want to kill. I want blood to be dripping through my fingers. Murder is not just a fun hobby anymore, it's a craving. I need to torture somebody. Properly. Aoshiru doesn't even scream or cry anymore when I hurt him, even if I beat him senseless. I will never kill him though. I'm not a complete yandere, cradling his decapitated head and kissing it and shit. Besides, I like the sound of his voice, and obviously, I can't hear him speak if he's dead.

I tried to remedy my urges in my dreams. I spend my nights walking around in my little fantasy worlds, running my chainsaw through everything I see; except for the shadow ladies, the damn blobs, and those other assholes that like to chase me down. I've even murdered dream versions of my friends (hey, it's not as if I'm killing them in real life). Even they're not safe from my relentless judgement, haha.

I've only found dream Gakuran, Tako, and Musume. They're rather silly caricatures. Gakuran is completely blue, with dark pits for eyes; Tako is like a big dorky octopus boy; Musume's cake obssessed as it is, but damn, do my dreams take it up a notch. It felt weird, killing them at first. Perhaps I'm feeling pity. No. Can't be. Why pity figments of my imagination? Ha. Hahahaha.

However! None of this is enough. No. Not enough. I want to kill somebody for real again. Killing people in my dreams aren't enough, it isn't, no. They always release the same, dull scream and they keep coming back. Snuffing somebody out in real life is much more fun~. Each person has their own special scream, and unlike imaginary people, they have lives. They have potential. All my victims could have become wonderful, powerful, flawless... then I strike them down like the pathetic pieces of shit they are. They join with Kamen, all their hopes and dreams destroyed. Hee. So satisfying, haha.

Then, there's that bastard, Mr. Yukata. He just goes on teaching and smiling, being a cool jerk. I bet he's getting a good laugh at me, and the fact that I haven't killed anybody in awhile; after all, he is a rather serious teacher, and I take his threat rather seriously. I'm... rather impressed by him, to be honest. He isn't a dumbass, like the rest of the cattle, and that dangerous glint in his eyes tell me that killing him would be hard to do.

Best teacher of the year, right there. That brilliant asshole. If he isn't given an award, I'm pretty sure he'll look the other way if I kill the guy in charge of these things.

But.

This is all going to change. Yes. Today, I'm going to murder somebody. I've looked back at my previous diary entry. Assuming that it's accurate (which it totally is), Mr. Yukata said I can't kill any more students or anyone related to him.

My mark is no longer a student, nor is he related to him.

Today, I will murder Heishi.

Now then, a saner person would say, "Urotsuki, why are you killing your friend's brother?" Well, Mr. Smartass, I have a good reason for doing so. You see, Heishi is currently out of the hospital, with all these stitches and casts, carrying around a crutch all day; he just hangs around in the neighborhood Gakuran lives in, being a useless shit. The thing is, his hospital bills are very expensive; that's just for the casts and stitches. Gakuran's family is working hard to come up with the money Heishi so needs. He's a complete burden on poor Gakuran.

So, I'll be a good friend to Gakuran and kill him! After all, the hospital can't fine a dead guy, right? Right? Hahaha!

Granted, my logic might not be sound... however, even though his family might still pay those bills, they never have to pay for an operation for Heishi if he's dead. See, I'm doing a good deed! I'm removing this fucking burden off the face of the Earth! Gakuran might cry, but I'll be there to cheer him up! If he finds out the truth? Maybe I'll lock him up with Aoshiru. Aoshiru would appreciate the company~!

Yes.

Haha.

I am the best fucking friend. In the whole world. Yup.

I plan on setting out to kill Heishi tonight. If I wait any longer, I might explode with all this frustration! I'll write how it goes when I get back!


	12. Entry 12

**_Entry 12_ **

* * *

...

Today was rotten. I was such a reckless fool.

...

It should have been a simple murder. Very simple.

It was late at night when I left home, chainsaw in tow. My pregnant mother was sleeping (as usual). I took the alleyways and empty streets until I found my way to Gakuran's neighborhood. I snuck around, searching, until I found Heishi. The crippled scum was just hanging in front of a street lamp near his folk's house, watching the night sky. What a useless fuck - admittedly handsome, though. I left my chainsaw in an alleyway before confronting Heishi, putting on the cheery smile I give everyone. I introduced myself to him; he was glad to meet me, shaking my hand with his only good one (which was frail looking). As we shook, he cringed, feeling pain in his limbs. Poor bastard. I couldn't wait to put him out of his misery~. Yes. I was going to put this fucker on ice.

I told him I had something for him, a thing that would make him feel better, haha, much better! I took one last look around before I retrieved my chainsaw from the alleyway. The excited, expecting look on his face faded as I started the chainsaw up. Ah yes, he made the look of horror I love so much. I love it. l love it.

He picked up the crutch that laid near him and tried to escape - hahahhahaha! Even if he wasn't crippled, there would be no way he could escape me~! No one. Yes. Nobody.  _Can escape. **Me**_ **.**  I kicked the crutch out of his hands and knocked him to the ground. As he laid there, perfectly vulnerable, thoughts of torture ran through my mind. I needed to murder him and get out immediately but... it was so... tempting. So alluring. I went with it. I lifted my foot and stomped on him. He grunted in pain while I stomped on his chest, his stomach, his legs, and his face. I WANTED HIM TO FUCKING SUFFER. After all, how dare he trouble poor Gakuran and his family with his bullshit! Ha! _HAHAHAHA!_

Heoshi, was coughing up BLOOD, TWITCHING ON THE GROUND LIke the pathetic INSECT HE IS. IT FELT LIKE GOD, STANDING ABOVE HIM, ENDING HIS WORTHLESS LIFE~! Oh, I was so tempted to KICK HIM TO DEATH; however, I WANTED BLOOD AND LOTS AND LOTS OF BLOOD I WANT HIM TO BLEED EVERYWHERE I WANT HIM COVERED IN THE STUFF DIE DIE DIE... So, the chainsaw, which was still running in my hands, was lifted into the air, and it divebombed into Heishi's guts.

Euphoria. Joy. I felt at peace with myself as my weapon carved up his insides like a pumpkin, spilling blood and innards. How I missed this. Heishi only screamed for a few more seconds before he was silenced by death - say hello to Kamen for me~. I panted, admiring the sight at my feet. Die. I licked some blood that got on my fingers. Delicious. Blood is delicious. The fulfillment of this craving made me crave for a body. Something intimate. I questioned visiting Aoshiru, but, I was curious if Heishi's body was still good and desirable. Yes... he did look quite good. Yes, for a corpse. Beautiful corpse. Beautiful blood.

However.

Before I could submit to my desires, I heard noises behind me and I was brought back to reality. I looked down at the fucker at my feet.

Only then did it occur to me that killing him in a public location while taking the time to TORTURE HIM AND PONDER ABOUT RAPING HIM was a bad idea. Haha.

_HAHAHA_

_I AM_

**_A FUCKING_ **

**_IDIOT._ **

The first thing I saw when I turned around were lights. Coming from inside some of the houses in the neighborhood. In one window, I saw a woman.

And.

I recognized her. Haha, I sure did... she was the mother of the two girls. My first few victims. Her eyes were wide open, and she had a horrible expression on her face. Then, she screamed out, to the neighborhood, to everybody, that she sees me. She doesn't know who I am. But she knows that I created the masterpiece before me, and, that I'm likely the killer.

That. Bitch.

More lights turned on. People peered out their windows. The same scared expressions. No. It wasn't fear, no no no, it was outrage. Fucking outrage.

For the first time, I bolted.

I ran carrying the chainsaw, trying to escape the little town. I heard screaming and yelling behind me and then footsteps. I saw people chasing after me, yelling their asses off. Under normal circumstances, they probably wouldn't chase a mass murderer but... I think seeing Heishi dead is what set them off. They don't care about their own safety. They wanted me captured. Even if I killed one of them in the struggle. Those persistent FUCKING PESTS I'D RIP OUT ALL THEIR THROATS IF I COULD AND THAT HORRIBLE BITC _H I WILL HANG HER LIKE A PINATA AND BEAT HER TO DEATH I AM NOT FUCKING JOKING._

...Calm down me. You only have a short amount of time before they come. Just record your thoughts.

Anyway, I ran, as fast as I can, despite the horde of people out for my blood. It's not good when people are out for my blood. However, they were catching up... so, I threw my chainsaw at them. Less weight for me to deal with, anyway. I love you, dear chainsaw, but I had to let you go. As I escaped the neighborhood, I wondered about Gakuran. He'll grieve, sure, but his family won't be in debt. I did a good thing yes it was worth it. Haha. HAHAHA.

I took the route back to my house. I heard police sirens on the way; I briefly thought about the Commando and Provost-san. They'll be disappointed with what I've done, but heeey... at least they can say they were friends with a mass murderer? Right? Totally. I found my way back home. I slammed the door shut and locked it. Then I barricaded it with some furniture. Perfection. I was admiring the nice blockade when I heard a cough behind me.

It was my mother. She looked quizzically at me; she did not know what I've done. She wondered what I was doing with all her furniture...

Grr...

That fucking bitch. I HAD IT WITH HER. Clearly, she was more concerned about the furniture more than me. No, "Hey, what's the matter, Urotsuki?" or "Anything wrong, dear?" I glared at her face then at her bloated stomach.

Suddenly, I didn't want a baby brother anymore.

...

And here I am now, typing at the computer. I've truly fucked things up, big time. I was too reckless, too absorbed by my sadistic feelings... was it worth it? I'm not sure myself.

I'm going to escape this place as soon as I'm done with this entry. It'll be the last one for the unforseen future... I will be leaving it on my computer, for the police to examine. These diary entries will be my testament, my lasting record on the world. I'll turn out the lights and drag my mother under the glow of the computer screen, which will display the first entry. Yes. Totally creepy. Totally foreboding. I love the idea.

So, before I take my leave, I have some things to say.

To the police, bravo, you finally know who I am. After months of murders. Nice job. Actually, no, all of you guys suck. Except for Commando and Provost-san, you two are alright. It's a shame that we can never get that submarine ride together. Maybe I can steal one and kidnap you two. Yeah. It'll be great. As for the rest of the police force... I want you to go to that abandoned hospital near the cemetery. Aoshiru will be there. You know, that boy that disappeared. I want you guys to keep him safe... but don't touch him.  _He's my property. MINE. ALL FUCKING **MINE.**_  If you dare make him think that he's anything other than mine, I will hunt you down and kill you. SLOWLY. I expect him to be returned to me soon~. I'm not sure how I'll get him back, but I will.

To my dad, **fuck you.**  I hope you get home before the police does. See what I did to mom. The only regret is that I didn't murder your sorry ass too.

To my friends... I'm sorry. I may be a complete bitch and monster but... I legitimately like you guys. I care about you all. I wish I could kidnap all of you and take you with me... Seishonen, I'm pretty sure Gakuran is calling you right now to tell you how horrible I am - I'm also pretty sure that you've lost your phone. And Gakuran... I meant well. Your brother is a leeching piece of shit. I did this all for you, you know. You're a great friend - after all, you defended me, even after I started to get worst. As for the rest, I love all of you. Musume, Tako, Ookami, you guys are great.

And.

I'm sorry about Kamen and Aoshiru.

There, I said it. I actually said sorry and meant it. Maybe we could meet each other again one day... perhaps when Aoshiru and I get married, haha...

Megane, I'm surprised you didn't suspect me at all. Some conspiracy theorist you are. Try harder next time. Maybe claim that I've brainwashed Aoshiru into being a murderous trigger agent. That will be fun.

Mr. Yukata... you're the best teacher ever. And you're also the smartest asshole I ever met. You deserve a teacher reward, a medal, and... oh hold on...

You'll be arrested, for aiding a criminal by withholding information, won't you?

Yes. That'll be my revenge against you. You're awesome and all, but you still deserve my recompense~.

Was that it? Was that all I had to say? Okay good. Now, piss off. I'm out, thank you, fuck you, goodbye. I'll be hiding somewhere... maybe I'll start another killing spree. Yes. That sounds good to me. hahaha

HahahahahahahahahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA _HAHA_ _HAHAHAHAIWON'TSTOPKILLINGYOUWILLNEVERFINDMEFUCKYOU COPPERSFUCKYOURENTIREEXISTENCEYOURBLOODWILLDRIPTHR OUGHMYFINGERSDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE_

haha...

Farewell~


	13. Entry 1 Again

**ENTRY 1**

* * *

Ah, it feels good to be back on a computer~. I've decided to restart my journal on this new computer; after all, it could be my only companion for a while.

So, where did I leave off...? Oh right.  _I fucking blew it._

After I made the last entry on my old computer, I got out the house through the backdoor and started running away. However, I realized that running's not a very good escape method. I'd tire out pretty fast, and I sure as hell can't outrun police cars (which I could hear in the distance). I looked around for anything that I could steal: a car, a bike, hell, I would even go for some roller-blades. Then, I found it.

There was a parked motorcycle in front of a house, a nice garden in front of it - with the keys still in the ignition. Maybe the sucker was going to ride it but went into his/her house to get a jacket, or maybe water their plants a little. Whatever. Mine now. I hopped on, grabbed the handlebars tightly, and started driving. It was hard to manage at first (I even almost crashed at some diagonal street; damn thing is hard to turn) but I quickly got used to it. It's like riding a bike. Which is exactly what it is but with an engine.

I drove out of the city. No blockades or anything. I needed to look for a hiding place, as some people might have seen me driving by; I've pretty much foregone all professionalism at this point. However, I had no place in mind. I just kept driving, not caring about my destination.

I passed through a small town. A few people were awake, but they simply waved to me, unaware of how much of a murderous bastard I am. I caught a few glimpses at the people: a man sitting on a bench, a girl on a tricycle, a smiling shopkeeper... you know, normal folk. I continued driving through here until I found a good hiding place.

It was an apartment building, well abandoned; most people that lived in it moved out to the cities or into other towns, apparently. Thank you, economic downturn. Abandoned buildings are always a good place to hide. Or hide people. Still, good hiding places.

The insides of the place was cold and dusty, as to be expected. I hid my motorcycle behind the building before I ascended the complex. If the police actually investigates this place, it'd take some time for them to get to the top floors; by then, I would slip past those idiots and escape, while laughing my ass of at how stupid they are.

I found a nice, spacious room to set up shop. There was an old mattress and some rugs in there already, which the previous owners abandoned when they moved. Over the next few days, I got some more stuff from the other apartment rooms, making my room more presentable and, well, remotely enjoyable. I even found an old game console with a tv; no cable, but I'm cool with it. On the first day I was there though, my first instinct was to sleep. I did spend hours on the run, after all. The mattress was still comfortable, at least...

My dreamscape was different that day. It was no random, bizarre land, but a looping void, with curious objects lying about. I examined a rainbow statue and upon touching it, I was transported to another void, filled with technicolored panels on an invisible floor - a place I've been to before. I went back to the previous area and I went about touching the other objects in curiosity - they all transported me to lands I've already dreamed of. How curious. I remember reading something about this online. Some condition called Nexus Syndrome or something? I think it develops in isolated and insane people... yep, I fit in those two categories.

I didn't have time to explore any of these areas before I woke up; in the following days, I would start my expeditions into my weird-ass dreamscape. When I woke up, I realized that I really needed food. I searched around the apartment building, but obviously, I couldn't find anything. Which is to be expected, and I felt dumb for looking in the first place (besides, food would be expired by now). I came across some weird things in the building while I searched, though. A room, with razor blades, a dark stain covering a wall; another, full of objects that were treasured, perhaps by a hoarder; lastly, there was an apartment with old clothes.

...

I went back to town later that day, disguised with a set of clothes I found. I shoplifted some food, a drink (beer), and a newspaper. How did the headline go? Oh right...

**'MASS MURDERER, UROTSUKI, OUTED - CURRENTLY ON THE RUN'**

I felt flattered by it. There were a lot more papers from there. What happened in order:

\- Law enforcement in most nearby big cities are on the lookout for me.

\- My journals were leaked onto the Internet.

\- Mr. Yukata was arrested for withholding the truth. Apparently, liking me isn't a good reason to keep information from the police. I hope that he doesn't get stuck with a long sentence or a huge fine, though. (Also, seeing as my diary was leaked, the administration better be paying him better from now on.)

\- Gakuran was interviewed. He was distraught by his brother's death, and he called me a complete psycho for thinking that killing Heishi was a good thing. There were a lot of swear words in the article, haha. I didn't mind it, though. He'll become grateful soon. Hopefully, he got paid for the interview - it'd get his family out of debt, quicker.

\- Aoshiru was liberated from where I hid him. He was described to be a "very broken individual, with a vacant stare on a scarred face." He quietly confirmed everything about me - all while describing me in a worshipful manner. Stockholm syndrome and rape are rather nice tools~. He's currently admitted in a hospital for all the bruises and cuts I gave him, and he'll be having a lot of therapist sessions. Maybe he'll be brought to the insane asylum (say hi to Smile for me, dear). I personally think he's too far gone. Maybe I'll pay him a visit, if possible...

\- More interviews, from Gakuran and my other friends. Tako and Musume were shocked and appalled by my true nature, while Ookami and Seishonen cursed themselves for not realizing how much of a bitch I actually was. They all said some rather unkind things about me... but, I still consider them my friends, even if they no longer do. We'll all be together soon. Hopefully.

\- An interview from Kamen's parents. I skipped this one.

\- The bodies I hid in the cemetery were found. The obituary page was so much longer that day. How lovely~.

\- I found a tabloid magazine that had ramblings from Megane about me. At least that whackjob has people willing to listen to him.

\- There's an internal investigation going on for this "Commando" and "Provost-San". Those two are probably smart enough to keep their heads away from the docks.

\- A nice debate article about Nexus Syndrome, and whether I have it or not. Interesting.

I found all these articles very pleasing. It's an odd sort of thrill, having all these people know how I am - is this how celebrities and idols feel? Also from the news articles, I cut out clippings of all my friends. Pictures of Kamen and Aoshiru, I kept especially close. It's a shame that I did not bring my phone charger. No more pictures of cute submissive Aoshiru for me.

My dreams have been offering strange experiences for me. Vast worlds to explore, all connected to this Nexus... very intriguing. Exploring all of this is very fun and enjoyable. I wished that I could have something to record it all in...

Eventually, my wish came true. First, I activated a small generator in the building - it doesn't provide a lot of power, but it's just enough to power my apartment. Then, I explored the building some more, and I found this old timey computer. Well, just a computer, no monitor or anything else. It took days of sneaking into that town disguised and looking around for a monitor, keyboard, and mouse. Eventually, I gathered it all. Surprisingly, the computer worked, despite its age. It can't do anything extravagant, however, nor did it have internet.

But it is functional as a journal, of course. And so, here we are. If this computer could talk, I bet it'd say, "Urotsuki, why aren't you in a murderous rage?" Well, I do feel a bit murdery... but, I can't just off somebody anymore. I can't just stroll into town and kill people. There are people looking out for me now, and I doubt I can escape the police a second time.

I've been trying to keep it under wraps. However, I fear that I'll go back to being, well, me, soon. The urge to kill is always rising... and, it certainly doesn't help that I'm otherwise isolated in this building, with some dream complex making me dream up weird shit.

Let's face it. I will snap one day. I will kill again. They will find me eventually.

I shouldn't be worrying about this right now, though. I'm strong, I'm sure I can resist the urges for a while. I'll think about all this later. Yes, think about it later. No need to run yet. I'm perfectly safe.

And until that day comes, I'll find refuge in my dreams. There are people to kill there, and there's a large world to stomp through. I'll explore it all and like old explorers, I will conquer my dreams, make its dream denizens my bitches... My dream world is my oyster, and this journal shall be the testament to my imaginary crusades! Hahaha!

Now then, good night, dear journal. Let's see what my dreams have for me tonight...


End file.
